Day 36 - Flab
Well what a day today! Absolute shit for most of it, but intermingled with such lovely bits of awesomeness that I’ve gone from crying my eyes out earlier to feeling thankful and almost happy. This Corona businesses is sure messing with people’s emotions!
So it started off badly when the cooker blew up last night. Not literally, but it kind of popped and caught fire. Thankfully I wasn’t cooking. Somehow Russ managed to rescue his lasagne and it tasted as gorgeous as usual. So today I awoke with high hopes that the oven might have just been having an off evening (which we are all entitled to do in these unprecedented times.) But no, I checked it this morning (after my new circuits and yoga regime to start my day in the right frame of mind) and it billowed out so much smoke I nearly had to crawl out of the kitchen with my face to the floor. So, it's home cooked meals using the hob only from now on. Or takeaways. But due to lack of funds the former is the only option, so until we can get a new oven I might even lose weight. Or fill up on crisps. Or deep fat fry my chips.
Anyway, the oven episode kind of cancelled out my well meaning focused and positive start to the day. And things then went from bad to worse when I logged on to my trusty Universal Credishit account. Eagerly hoping for a back dated payment and confirmation of the very generous 90 odd quid a week to pay all bills, business outgoings, support a child and live on, that I had been led to believe was coming at the end of this month, I viewed the amount due, in big bold letters, which was a fat "Zero". There must be some kind of mistake, I mused. And, unconcerned, scrolled down to the comments, which basically informed me that because my partner is earning (not huge amounts at all and only 80%, and only enough to cover his half of everything as we have always done) I get nothing. How little does the household income have to be before help is given? I think even income from a paper round and nothing more would be enough for UC to say piss off.
At 10am I had a Zoom call booked with one of my regular networks, and it was lovely to see everyone. This lifted my spirits and I came off that in a much more positive mood. Only to return from the studio (new Zoom calls room) to the conservatory (office) to be met with Mia sitting at my PC, on her phone, having done no schoolwork for nearly 2 hours because I hadn't shut Photoshop down and she didn't dare start her stuff in case she accidentally closed all my photos down without saving them. Bless her! Or was it a TikTok excuse...? Anyway, I got her started and I settled down to try and chase the Micro Grant I have applied for, desperately need, but have heard nothing from. To find out my emails were down! After many phone calls I finally got through to someone "not in the right department but who has restricted access to grant submissions" I was told there is no record of my time consuming application which I sent 3 weeks ago. So I did it all again, from scratch. Submitted it, to be informed by the online system "oooops a link has broken, please tell us where this happened and will do out best to rectify it next time" How the f--- am I supposed to inform them when I can't get through and my emails are down? And I feel guilty that I'm trying to do this shit instead of helping Mia with school work. But she doesn't want me to help anyway!
So I went to make lunch, thinking I would try again after, only to hear a cry from Mia who came running in to the kitchen covered in ink. Her pen had exploded (and it really had!) all over her school work and the floor and her. She burst in to tears and so did I.
So we scrapped school work and money stuff for the rest of the day. After a major ink clean up, we grabbed some lunch and went on a trip to the Co-Op for essentials (she stayed in the car) and then drove down Mum's street and said hello from the gate. Just seeing her made things better and although it's hard leaving her, I just needed to see her, and I am well aware that we are so lucky to be able to do so, even for a few mins when passing, as many others can't even do that.
And we got home and my emails were back! And I had a lovely one from a guy giving some great advice on future photography projects I could think about doing, with some contacts from where he works. And it cheered me up again - people can be so lovely and helpful during this time. And Mia and I played an Escape Room on the PC. We argued, and irritated each other, but we sat next to each other, did something together that was fun, and did have a laugh as well. And we cheated coz we are crap. But I felt better again. This Corona shit is causing my moods and emotions to go up and down more than the rolls of flab on my stomach if I ever have to run (which I rarely do but have done on occasion for the last bus home if I'm ever in town socialising, which was as infrequent before Corona as it is now during)
Then I made tea and we almost had to evacuate the house again. (Note to self, do not attempt to make a crumble when the oven is knackered) And after tea I sat and felt pissed off again. Coz it has (mainly) been a tough day. And then I felt guilty because loads of other people have it far worse and what right have I to be down? So I wanted to cry again through my own self pity and through upset for all the other people I know and love going through similar or worse. And then I got a text which made my shitty day a while lot better. One of my lovely bros and sis in laws, just checking in. Their lovely and kind words at exactly the right time made me scurry upstairs for a bath before anyone saw me get all emotional. There were tears and lots of bubbles, and a good soak, and a long hard reflection about what is important. And that is family and friends. And I am lucky enough to have them, and they will help us get through this, as we will all help them if we can We need to look out for each other in these times, and hopefully after this too, when we have all learnt the harshest lesson imaginable about not taking anything or anyone for granted. Sometimes just a thoughtful gesture can absolutely make someone's day, and I have had that today. I hope I can do the same for others. Acts of thoughtfulness and kindness and the willingness to help others at this time can make a huge difference to individuals who may be having a bad day for whatever reason. So thank you to those who have done that for me today.
(Photo is the beautiful River Ouse)
So it started off badly when the cooker blew up last night. Not literally, but it kind of popped and caught fire. Thankfully I wasn’t cooking. Somehow Russ managed to rescue his lasagne and it tasted as gorgeous as usual. So today I awoke with high hopes that the oven might have just been having an off evening (which we are all entitled to do in these unprecedented times.) But no, I checked it this morning (after my new circuits and yoga regime to start my day in the right frame of mind) and it billowed out so much smoke I nearly had to crawl out of the kitchen with my face to the floor. So, it's home cooked meals using the hob only from now on. Or takeaways. But due to lack of funds the former is the only option, so until we can get a new oven I might even lose weight. Or fill up on crisps. Or deep fat fry my chips.
Anyway, the oven episode kind of cancelled out my well meaning focused and positive start to the day. And things then went from bad to worse when I logged on to my trusty Universal Credishit account. Eagerly hoping for a back dated payment and confirmation of the very generous 90 odd quid a week to pay all bills, business outgoings, support a child and live on, that I had been led to believe was coming at the end of this month, I viewed the amount due, in big bold letters, which was a fat "Zero". There must be some kind of mistake, I mused. And, unconcerned, scrolled down to the comments, which basically informed me that because my partner is earning (not huge amounts at all and only 80%, and only enough to cover his half of everything as we have always done) I get nothing. How little does the household income have to be before help is given? I think even income from a paper round and nothing more would be enough for UC to say piss off.
At 10am I had a Zoom call booked with one of my regular networks, and it was lovely to see everyone. This lifted my spirits and I came off that in a much more positive mood. Only to return from the studio (new Zoom calls room) to the conservatory (office) to be met with Mia sitting at my PC, on her phone, having done no schoolwork for nearly 2 hours because I hadn't shut Photoshop down and she didn't dare start her stuff in case she accidentally closed all my photos down without saving them. Bless her! Or was it a TikTok excuse...? Anyway, I got her started and I settled down to try and chase the Micro Grant I have applied for, desperately need, but have heard nothing from. To find out my emails were down! After many phone calls I finally got through to someone "not in the right department but who has restricted access to grant submissions" I was told there is no record of my time consuming application which I sent 3 weeks ago. So I did it all again, from scratch. Submitted it, to be informed by the online system "oooops a link has broken, please tell us where this happened and will do out best to rectify it next time" How the f--- am I supposed to inform them when I can't get through and my emails are down? And I feel guilty that I'm trying to do this shit instead of helping Mia with school work. But she doesn't want me to help anyway!
So I went to make lunch, thinking I would try again after, only to hear a cry from Mia who came running in to the kitchen covered in ink. Her pen had exploded (and it really had!) all over her school work and the floor and her. She burst in to tears and so did I.
So we scrapped school work and money stuff for the rest of the day. After a major ink clean up, we grabbed some lunch and went on a trip to the Co-Op for essentials (she stayed in the car) and then drove down Mum's street and said hello from the gate. Just seeing her made things better and although it's hard leaving her, I just needed to see her, and I am well aware that we are so lucky to be able to do so, even for a few mins when passing, as many others can't even do that.
And we got home and my emails were back! And I had a lovely one from a guy giving some great advice on future photography projects I could think about doing, with some contacts from where he works. And it cheered me up again - people can be so lovely and helpful during this time. And Mia and I played an Escape Room on the PC. We argued, and irritated each other, but we sat next to each other, did something together that was fun, and did have a laugh as well. And we cheated coz we are crap. But I felt better again. This Corona shit is causing my moods and emotions to go up and down more than the rolls of flab on my stomach if I ever have to run (which I rarely do but have done on occasion for the last bus home if I'm ever in town socialising, which was as infrequent before Corona as it is now during)
Then I made tea and we almost had to evacuate the house again. (Note to self, do not attempt to make a crumble when the oven is knackered) And after tea I sat and felt pissed off again. Coz it has (mainly) been a tough day. And then I felt guilty because loads of other people have it far worse and what right have I to be down? So I wanted to cry again through my own self pity and through upset for all the other people I know and love going through similar or worse. And then I got a text which made my shitty day a while lot better. One of my lovely bros and sis in laws, just checking in. Their lovely and kind words at exactly the right time made me scurry upstairs for a bath before anyone saw me get all emotional. There were tears and lots of bubbles, and a good soak, and a long hard reflection about what is important. And that is family and friends. And I am lucky enough to have them, and they will help us get through this, as we will all help them if we can We need to look out for each other in these times, and hopefully after this too, when we have all learnt the harshest lesson imaginable about not taking anything or anyone for granted. Sometimes just a thoughtful gesture can absolutely make someone's day, and I have had that today. I hope I can do the same for others. Acts of thoughtfulness and kindness and the willingness to help others at this time can make a huge difference to individuals who may be having a bad day for whatever reason. So thank you to those who have done that for me today.
(Photo is the beautiful River Ouse)
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