Surviving C19 Lockdown

So, last Tuesday night it was announced the the property market is allowed to open up. Shit!!!! That means I have to go back to work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, and when lockdown first happened I was in turmoil! My jobs, my commitments, my clients, my responsibilities!!! “What is to become of me?” I thought. And I stressed, and I flapped, and I worried. And I made millions of phone calls and I logged on to endless Zoom meetings. No matter what, I was determined not to lose my business and to keep my name out there, connect with the right people, help where I could, and be there for other people. And I have made the most amazing new contacts ever! As well as reconnecting with friends and business contacts I have foolishly not been in touch with for a while. So, thanks to Covid 19, I am now well connected to a bank of brilliant and lovely people I probably wouldn’t have had the pleasure to get to know otherwise and these new found alliances will continue. So, apart from financial...

So, on Sunday night we listened to Boris's update at 7pm with anticipation. I wasn't expecting much to change to be honest, although I was hoping he would say we are allowed to leave the house for longer and go a bit further afield for outdoor exercise. Which he did say, and that is great. But the rest? Well I am quite confused and I don't think I am the only one..... - Work from home if you can - If you can't then go to work - But not until Wednesday - If you do go to work make sure you can work at a social distance - If you can't then work from home - If you can't work from home go to work - But don't use public transport - If you can't drive / walk / cycle to work then work from home - If you have to use public transport keep your distance - But don't use public transport - When in the work place be alert - When at home be alert - Drive wherever you like for as much exercise as you want for as long as you like but go home if these pl...

As you know if you have read my previous blogs, I love making lists. Tonight, I have already started tomorrow’s list with the word “gin”.  I’d never been a gin drinker until my mother in law (your fault if you are reading this Kate!) gave me a glass at their house a couple of years ago. And it was delicious. And ever since I have tried to have a bottle in the house for special occasions. Pre lockdown a gin and tonic was my Saturday “treat” before I opened a bottle of Prosecco. (Don’t judge, it was once a week) I felt naughty if I had a G and T around 6pm as it seemed far too early. (Note to readers, I haven’t always been a prude, in fact in the day’s before kids, any time after 12.01pm was more than acceptable to open a bottle of White Lightning, which was consumed all afternoon and in to the evening without thought or regret. Until the next day. However! I became a mum and I got old. And really dull. So these days a drink pre 6pm is unheard of. And a drink on any night other...

Things I am looking forward to doing when this is over.... - Not having to check the Tesco delivery slot availability 27 times a day  - Getting a regular Tesco delivery slot again  - When going for a walk, not opening gates like a freak of a person with my top stretched over hands in a bizarre “jumper-gloves-combo” whilst trying to assist useless hands with other body parts such as knees, shoulder, hip, bum, feet  - Having the house to myself - Hugging my mum - Going shopping without having to stop dead in the isle to avoid passing someone, or having to double back on myself to go 10 isles out of my way to either adhere to the arrows on the floor, or find an isle with no other people down it (usually due to bare shelves down that free isle) - Going out for a full day - Going on holiday - Watching Coro more than 3 times a week - Being able to have a work meeting or social catch up without having to look at my own fat face on a screen as I talk to oth...

I’ve heard from people, and seen on Zoom and social media, many are struggling with working in lockdown with young children. I will admit I don’t envy these guys, although at the start of lockdown I did. When it first happened I wished that Mia was younger, so I could have that time with her without having to work. Just the 3 of us with total family time, and I would happily have gone back to the days of playing schools and trains and Lego and crafts and story’s. We did all these things when Mia was little and I know I am lucky to have spent so much time just me and her over the years. So when this all started I was envious of those with young kids who were not allowed to work, and even those that have to. It’s perfect, I naively thought, they can spend all this lovely family time together... I was a fool! I’ve heard from many how hard it is looking after little ones in lockdown, and most of these people have to work as well! And from what I’ve heard it is very difficult indeed. And, ...

Well what a day today! Absolute shit for most of it, but intermingled with such lovely bits of awesomeness that I’ve gone from crying my eyes out earlier to feeling thankful and almost happy. This Corona businesses is sure messing with people’s emotions! So it started off badly when the cooker blew up last night. Not literally, but it kind of popped and caught fire. Thankfully I wasn’t cooking. Somehow Russ managed to rescue his lasagne and it tasted as gorgeous as usual. So today I awoke with high hopes that the oven might have just been having an off evening (which we are all entitled to do in these unprecedented times.) But no, I checked it this morning (after my new circuits and yoga regime to start my day in the right frame of mind) and it billowed out so much smoke I nearly had to crawl out of the kitchen with my face to the floor. So, it's home cooked meals using the hob only from now on. Or takeaways. But due to lack of funds the former is the only option, so until we can...

This is a shit storm and we are all in it but sailing different boats... Some are great big armoured submarines battling through regardless, a few are luxury yachts enjoying relaxing times in the sun with no financial worries at all, some are hardworking fishing boats desperately hoping for a good catch to get them through, and there are those more like flimsy rafts, through no fault of their own, finding it difficult to stay afloat.  I have been on Zoom calls talking to business owners who feel guilty about working. They say that they feel bad about securing work in these horrible times. But the outcome of these calls (thanks to others more knowledgable than me!) is don’t! Do not feel guilty if you are working. This county and other businesses need you to keep us all going. Key workers are obviously needed, but there are many others, “almost key workers” whom are needed to help those unable to work. Keep going you people! Keep motivating your furloughed staff, keep the busine...

Not actual crap, or even feeling crap, but a nice sort of crap. (I hope) I have written an Acrostic Poem (apparently, according to Mia.) So for example.... C orona R elated A crostic P oem But I went on a lovely walk yesterday through the fields of my old school and where my late dad grew up living on his family farm. And it brought back memories, thoughts and emotions, and it was a beautiful spring day, and it almost felt like everything was ok. I pictured my lovely dad as a boy, playing in the fields of his home. And I thought, with great sorrow, how he would feel about us going through all this without him. And I wished he was here with us. And then I was glad he wasn’t. But the farm kept working and the animals kept grazing and the grasses kept blowing. And I just wanted to write a poem. Which is probably crap, but I feel like I’ve exposed myself (not literally thank God!) enough on here already, so why not..... DAILYWALK poem. Discovering new pathways, different routes, ...

A better day today! In fact a good day.... This world pandemic has a habit of changing people's moods as frequently as we wash our hands these days. Today is a good day for many reasons, the main one being I have the perfect excuse to write an extra list for the day..... - I got a Tesco delivery slot! (Yes, I feel guilty as I can actually go the store, but I am a regular Tesco delivery receiver and have been for the last 10 years, so surely loyalty should count for something. Plus, with only 80 items allowed per slot, I have filled up on basics and can now do smaller shops in person for a while until I am able to get another slot in 6 months time). - Got to see mum from the gate for 10 mins (this a good thing but second to getting a delivery slot, sorry mum). - There was a bag of flour and a packet of biscuits waiting for us at the gate on our arrival, which we quickly scooped away whilst jumping back, before breathing any Corona germs 12 meters down the driveway where mum cowe...

Been feeling a bit down these last couple of days. No particular reason (except there is a world wide pandemic, I’m worried, I have no income, I miss family and friends, and no one knows if life will ever get back to how it was) I need to pull myself together.... No actually I don’t. I realise there are so many people out there who are worse off then me. NHS and all key workers, ill people (CV or any illness), people who have lost their job, people who can’t claim anything, those who can’t see loved ones even for a few minutes with shopping, those in abusive relationships, and I think worst of all, those who have lost someone close to them in these times. And I’ve just had a couple of days where the enormity of it all has kind of hit me. Watching the whole world suffer is unbearable. When all this started I was in survival mode for my business. Keeping busy trying to sort out financial issues and do all I could to make sure my business can come back from this. The initial fear of losin...

“To be grey or not to be grey, that is the question.” I know this is a shallow and unimportant question in the scheme of the global pandemic, and I do feel guilty for asking the question. My thoughts are always with the NHS and all key workers and I am in total admiration for all they do. I cannot comprehend how difficult life is for these wonderful people and right now, and every day, I count my blessings that “all I have to do is stay at home”. While it’s not easy when all my beloved work has been cancelled or rearranged, I do know I am one of the lucky ones who just has to do our bit by staying at home. However, writing this blog is, for me, a way of voicing my thoughts and trying to stay positive, and if at all possible, trying to bring some kind of lightheartedness to this madness. So please don’t judge me for writing about my hair. I actually don’t care about it to be honest. Anyone who knows me will admit my hair always looks shit at the best of times. And anyone who doesn’t...

Two and a half weeks in to lockdown and already this life is feeling almost normal. There is a new routine (or lack of) for everything and the pace of life is so slow and uneventful compared to how it was. I popped round to my lovely grandma's earlier with some shopping essentials and we chatted from a safe distance (how often do we now use this once obsolete phrase?) in the garden. She is amazing. 98 and totally unfazed by all this. She just says her life hasn’t actually changed that much, which I guess it hasn’t, apart from that she is seeing less of people and can’t go to church. Normally I would stay longer and have a coffee with her, and probably some biscuits with a best before date of Jan 1982, but these days I take my own bottle of water and have a good excuse to pass on the biccies. We talked about the usual things, Corona, both world wars, politics, immigration, Corona, Spanish Flu, and how weird I will look when my hair is the same colour as hers in a few weeks... I ...

The last few days have been spent doing what most people seem to have been doing.... Zoom calls,  gardening, painting, tidying the house, cooking new meals, a colder than planned bbq on Sunday, daily walks, more Zoom calls.... And I’ve been busy! Hence no blog for a few days. Then I felt guilty! I had it on my list of stuff to do that I would write a new blog every 1 - 2 days during lockdown! How could I fail so early on in the process? Then I realised my list also stipulates that I will write “a letter a day to people I love to keep in touch with” and I haven’t written one today because we have been painting Mia's room for most of the day. But I wrote 2 letters yesterday.... And I realised it doesn't actually matter if things are not done exactly as planned. And my lists, as much as I love them, can be amended day to day. During a normal working day I have tight deadlines and jobs I must attend at certain times and images that have to be sent off by the end of each day. When I...

So, it is officially “Easter Holidays”, school should have broken up yesterday and we should have been looking forward to two weeks of time off. Well, time off for Mia, with me trying to fit work in around childcare... But with no routine of getting up and out of the house for school, which I love. But that hasn’t happened for two weeks already so the new way of living now feels like the norm, and days and weeks blur in to each other and it’s difficult to differentiate between them. Has it only been two weeks...? As much as it’s hard when I work during school holidays, I have always loved them and made the most of them. As all working mums do. Thanks to help from my mum and play dates (can’t really call them that now Mia is 11 years old...) I have always managed to fit my usual amount of jobs in, over less but longer days, freeing up some of the holiday for days out and mini breaks. I am so lucky to be self employed and, as much as I can, I manage my own time. Obviously it’s totally di...

I was determined to use this time we have found ourselves with as the opportunity to have lots of lovely extra family time. When lockdown was first announced I had visions of a daily walk together, all 3 of us linking arms and chatting and laughing together as the wind rippled through our hair and the fresh air made our cheeks (already aching from laughter) red and tingly. My mind pictured me helping Mia with her school work, sitting down together from 9am until 3pm, and working through it happily, learning together and enjoying each other's company. I assumed this could be fitted in around my own work, telephone calls and Zoom meetings, with an hour's break for a home cooked healthy lunch eaten in the garden together, perhaps followed by a ball game, before returning to our desks. The house and garden would naturally be spotless, as with all this extra time, how could they be anything else? Once the day's work had been completed, the 3 of us would sit down for a tasty meal...

 I love lists and I always hand write them, everyday, except Sunday. I have written a list of stuff I want to achieve while I have no actual photography work on. Some of it is doable, and some of it is not. But as long as I have a list I feel like I am at least doing something. And the satisfaction of crossing off stuff I have done, right now, is sadly the highlight of my day.... - Ring mum and grandma most days. - Spend as time as possible with Mia without her telling me she “needs her own space”. Even if it means my skin being drawn on in pen on as I sit next to her while we both worth try and work. - Play lots of board games, even if it’s by myself as Mia and Russ both enjoy “their own space”. (Make a list of one player board games) - Write one letter every day to people who I think would like to receive one. (Make a list of names) - Improve my handwriting so it is legible. - Continue writing this blog. - Start and finish the novel I have dreamed of writing for 20 years,...

I woke up this morning and cast my mind back to the events of the day before. Confused images of my mum dressed in party wear and running trainers, jogging down the street having completed a park run in New Earswick flashed in to my mind. A vision of her skipping in to a house party, bottle in hand, and becoming lost in a crowd of revelers. I remembered my panic as I braved the hoards of party goers, frantically trying to find her and remove her from the Corona Virus breeding ground before she inhaled any deadly particles or touched a surface infected with germs. The music was banging, the drunken people were squashed together like hill walkers on Snowden last weekend. It was horrendous, where was my mum and why was she here when she should be self isolating? This wasn't usual behavior for my peaceful, church going, bicycle riding, tea total, lovely and reserved 71 year old mum.... Then I realised it was all a dream. Thank God! At least something interesting is happening in my drea...

Is it really Saturday? I wasn't sure when I woke up. Loosing track of days fast and it is only week 1.... I often work weekends, which is fine, as I love (not "loved" - I will be back!) my job, and I am so lucky that what I do doesn't feel like work. But I also love (and really appreciate) a weekend off to spend time with Mia, and go out to lovely places. Usually on these Saturdays I wake up with butterflies in my stomach, excited about the 2 days ahead. But today I awoke with the same sense of dread and worry that I have woken up with for the past few weeks, and more so in recent days. Dread for the situation the world is in, and worry for the UK, who are really only just starting on this journey. However, a Saturday off work is still a Saturday off work, and I am trying to normalise this shit as much as I can, so to mark the occasion I stayed in my pjs until 10am. I also treated myself to wearing make up on this special day, which I haven't done since Tuesday,...

I wasn't going to post today as I have done nothing worth speaking of. I was feeling guilty sitting outside in the sun because I felt I should be "doing something". I slept in til 8.30am and then didn't do my exercise routine. I was feeling bad that my phone calls to the bank and various creditors failed to either get through or get any answers so I gave up. My marathon training hasn't yet started, I haven't written a novel and I still haven't lost 3 stone. And my grey hair is taking too long to grow out. But! Sitting outside in the beautiful sunshine I just put my book down, closed my eyes and thought. I can't remember the last time I had time to properly think. I thought about when this is all over (who knows when but one day) and I can go and see my mum and give her the biggest hug and tell her how much I love her and have missed her. And I thought about when I can go and see my grandma and sit with her and put the world to rights with a coffee an...

Today was the day after the night before.... This thing has been getting more and more scary by the day. But last night (Monday March 23rd 2020, a date which will be referred to many times in history books to come) at 8.30pm, it was official - the UK is in lockdown! Surreal doesn't even come in to it, even though we all knew it was going to happen (thanks people who crowded to the mountains and and coast at the weekend!) So, I officially have no jobs for the foreseeable future. Being self employed means no income. No income means no means of paying the bills or mortgage. And my photography business that I have lovingly built up over 20 years has a very uncertain future. As I know is the case for so many others at this difficult time. And I have a precious 11 year old daughter who needs schooling and entertaining. So today, I woke up (an hour later than usual - OK, it's not a holiday but it's not a work day either!) put on my gym outfit and went in to the studio to do a ...