Day 60 - Wine
So, I have just sat down in our freshly painted, lovely looking conservatory, in my pjs after a nice bath, and settled down to write a blog with a glass of red. Table just got knocked (due to crazy kitten running round the room) and red wine went all over the lovely light grey rug. But it's fine. It will stain but there are more pressing things to think about.
I started this blog at the very beginning of lockdown, for a few different reasons.
- I panicked and didn't know what to do with myself!
- I have always wanted to write
- I had time to write
- It helped me get my head around the unbelievable and scary situation
- I felt the need to get my thoughts and feelings out somehow and the only way I have ever been able to do this is by writing it down. (or drinking too much and making a tit of myself....)
For me, lockdown has (unfortunately for many reasons) ended. I am getting jobs coming in now for property photography and I think from next week onwards I will become increasingly busy. Which is great for my business and (lack of) finances, but I have to admit I don't feel ready to go back yet. I wrote about this in my last blog, so won't dwell on it again, except to say I am not ready for my lockdown safety bubble to burst just yet. But it has and there is nothing I can do about it but to find a new and safe way of working, adjust to it, and get on with it. Many others have done much more, for far longer, and I have ultimate respect for these amazing people. We are all in the same storm, but I think some are starting to come through the blackest clouds sooner than others, although with the worry that without due care by us all, there could be another storm on the horizon. I feel for those who have had to weather the worst of it, and I worry for those still in the middle of it. And also, those, such as myself, who are venturing out, perhaps unwillingly, but out of necessity. But we will get through it, one day, and yes, life will be different but we will adjust, as we have done during lockdown. Which for many, myself included, is now the new norm.
So, this may or may not be my last post. I have loved writing it and I hope some people at least have enjoyed reading it. I may continue with it, or I may find I am too busy with work soon. Or I may devote this writing time to the novel I have always dreamed of penning. But as I look back over the last few weeks I can't believe how fast time has gone. It seems only a couple of weeks ago that we were told we had to stay at home. That we weren't allowed to see our loved ones from a different household, and that my income would be zero. Yet so much has happened in this time too. Thankfully government help has been put in place, and I am so grateful to be one of the lucky ones to have recieved something, when others have got nothing. We have decorated 3 rooms and sorted out the garden. We have cooked and baked and walked. And drunk gin. We have argued and bickered and got on each other’s tits, and we have home schooled and learnt algebra. And I have read many books and been on many Zooms calls. We have stayed up late and not got up as early as usual. And I have exercised and learnt basic Yoga. I have taken many many scenic photos and bored people to death with them on social media. And I written, which I have wanted to do for years, and never have done due to lack of time and / or confidence. But for some bizarre reason, once lockdown was announced, I felt able to not only write but also to share. And I think that was because I felt protected in my bubble, safe in the knowledge that it wasn't "real life" and I had the opportunity to be and do anything I wanted (except leave the house). I have loved the stress free life of the last few weeks, when the biggest decision I had to make was what time to take my daily walk and whether to have blackcurrant or raspberry flavoured gin.
During this time I also feel closer to many people, which is strange as I haven't been able to see them, except for a select few from the end of the driveway. But my family and friends have been amazing, offering help and support, and I have tried to do my bit for others too. This difficult time has shown many people at their best and most caring, and I hope this kindness and good will to others will be something we will all take away from this experience and continue in the future. I have made new "virtual" friends who have been amazing, and I know I will keep in touch with, and throughout this whole experience I have felt so loved and supported and I want to thank everyone who has offered me help and advice.
Lockdown in it's rawest sense may be over for most, but my work will be slow to come in I think, and I do still worry about the future. So it will be a long time until life is back to how it was, indeed it may never be. Do I want it to be? For some things no. Of course, I can't wait to see my mum and grandma properly again, and other family and friends, and I am so excited about the time when we can go on holiday. But this new norm is more relaxed, with people looking out for each other and being kind. And spending so much time at home has actually been lovely. This has certainly been a once in a lifetime experience (I am guessing, but who knows.....?) and while I did panic in the early days, I like to think I have taken something from it. I have learnt not to be so critical of myself and accept myself for me. I am far from perfect and would love to change many things, but I am a good and honest person and I can definitely live with that. And family and friends mean everything. I’ve also learnt that I love gin and Monster Munch way too much.
Now the next battle begins - homeschooling whilst also having to work. Hats off to all those who have been doing this for the last 60 days already! I may need to consume even more gin from now until September.....
(Pic is of the place where I have spent the most time (apart from home) over the last few weeks - Clifton Moor Lake.)
I started this blog at the very beginning of lockdown, for a few different reasons.
- I panicked and didn't know what to do with myself!
- I have always wanted to write
- I had time to write
- It helped me get my head around the unbelievable and scary situation
- I felt the need to get my thoughts and feelings out somehow and the only way I have ever been able to do this is by writing it down. (or drinking too much and making a tit of myself....)
For me, lockdown has (unfortunately for many reasons) ended. I am getting jobs coming in now for property photography and I think from next week onwards I will become increasingly busy. Which is great for my business and (lack of) finances, but I have to admit I don't feel ready to go back yet. I wrote about this in my last blog, so won't dwell on it again, except to say I am not ready for my lockdown safety bubble to burst just yet. But it has and there is nothing I can do about it but to find a new and safe way of working, adjust to it, and get on with it. Many others have done much more, for far longer, and I have ultimate respect for these amazing people. We are all in the same storm, but I think some are starting to come through the blackest clouds sooner than others, although with the worry that without due care by us all, there could be another storm on the horizon. I feel for those who have had to weather the worst of it, and I worry for those still in the middle of it. And also, those, such as myself, who are venturing out, perhaps unwillingly, but out of necessity. But we will get through it, one day, and yes, life will be different but we will adjust, as we have done during lockdown. Which for many, myself included, is now the new norm.
So, this may or may not be my last post. I have loved writing it and I hope some people at least have enjoyed reading it. I may continue with it, or I may find I am too busy with work soon. Or I may devote this writing time to the novel I have always dreamed of penning. But as I look back over the last few weeks I can't believe how fast time has gone. It seems only a couple of weeks ago that we were told we had to stay at home. That we weren't allowed to see our loved ones from a different household, and that my income would be zero. Yet so much has happened in this time too. Thankfully government help has been put in place, and I am so grateful to be one of the lucky ones to have recieved something, when others have got nothing. We have decorated 3 rooms and sorted out the garden. We have cooked and baked and walked. And drunk gin. We have argued and bickered and got on each other’s tits, and we have home schooled and learnt algebra. And I have read many books and been on many Zooms calls. We have stayed up late and not got up as early as usual. And I have exercised and learnt basic Yoga. I have taken many many scenic photos and bored people to death with them on social media. And I written, which I have wanted to do for years, and never have done due to lack of time and / or confidence. But for some bizarre reason, once lockdown was announced, I felt able to not only write but also to share. And I think that was because I felt protected in my bubble, safe in the knowledge that it wasn't "real life" and I had the opportunity to be and do anything I wanted (except leave the house). I have loved the stress free life of the last few weeks, when the biggest decision I had to make was what time to take my daily walk and whether to have blackcurrant or raspberry flavoured gin.
During this time I also feel closer to many people, which is strange as I haven't been able to see them, except for a select few from the end of the driveway. But my family and friends have been amazing, offering help and support, and I have tried to do my bit for others too. This difficult time has shown many people at their best and most caring, and I hope this kindness and good will to others will be something we will all take away from this experience and continue in the future. I have made new "virtual" friends who have been amazing, and I know I will keep in touch with, and throughout this whole experience I have felt so loved and supported and I want to thank everyone who has offered me help and advice.
Lockdown in it's rawest sense may be over for most, but my work will be slow to come in I think, and I do still worry about the future. So it will be a long time until life is back to how it was, indeed it may never be. Do I want it to be? For some things no. Of course, I can't wait to see my mum and grandma properly again, and other family and friends, and I am so excited about the time when we can go on holiday. But this new norm is more relaxed, with people looking out for each other and being kind. And spending so much time at home has actually been lovely. This has certainly been a once in a lifetime experience (I am guessing, but who knows.....?) and while I did panic in the early days, I like to think I have taken something from it. I have learnt not to be so critical of myself and accept myself for me. I am far from perfect and would love to change many things, but I am a good and honest person and I can definitely live with that. And family and friends mean everything. I’ve also learnt that I love gin and Monster Munch way too much.
Now the next battle begins - homeschooling whilst also having to work. Hats off to all those who have been doing this for the last 60 days already! I may need to consume even more gin from now until September.....
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